Every mortuary archaeologists needs non-human sidekicks as part of their adventures and detective work into the dangerous and disturbing domains of mortality past and present. It helps to think of me as akin to Batman but with more broody moments and enhanced intellectual versatility. Staying with that analogy, my bat cave has a new gadget waiting to join me on my archaeodeath expeditions to Chester to the office and perhaps to other mortuary sites around NE Wales and the West Midlands.

I’ve dubbed him Vikram the Carrera Virtuoso. He’s my first road bike, and we are already firm pals. I even got a free bottle and bottle-holder from Halfords with the purchase. He’s been registered with the National Cycle Scheme to deter thieves, and he has a good lock.

Already I’ve survived multiple near-misses on Vikram, largely the result of impatient BMW and Audi drivers (yes, these makes of cars are correlated with driving like a complete fucktard).

I aim to use Vikram for the c. 14-mile cycle to work, or else the shorter 6.2-mile cycle from Hawarden Bridge to the University of Chester along the Millennium Greenway or beside the River Dee.

Me at Hawarden Bridge railway station