Go into any high-street shop and some supermarkets and “men’s wallets” will be on sale: often leather or some plastic imitation thereof.

They are almost entirely crap and even cheap ones are over-priced. Do not buy them!

Whether you consider yourself a ‘man’, ‘woman’ or other, they might look like leather and look smart, but they are universally stupid and wrong on multiple levels. Therefore they are often unfit for purpose but also often make you look stupid wielding them in public. You know, like the men who wear over-sized signet rings or stupidly large watches thinking this makes them manly. Such items don’t look or act manly at all of course, you just look like a bloody fool.

Specifics? For instance, they might not have a zip to enclosure coins, or else they haven’t got enough spaces for cards. They might have what seems to be a sufficient space hold notes and receipts but incorporate some unnecessary feature to render said notes and receipts inoperable and inaccessible. They might be so monumental they are destined never to fit in a pocket and stay there secure. Worst of all, they might be so capacious you lose things in their many hidden crevices.

Never, ever acquire such leather or pseudo-leather wallets! People that do get what they deserve.

Yes, and people always joke about the ridiculous lack of utility of female clothing, and yet for me it is the “men’s wallet” – often black or brown – that so often and so entirely demonstrate its designers never use them before getting them into the shops for fools and dullards to acquire.

So here’s my Archaeodeath product endorsement: the simple and effective mesh wallet. They may not be trendy or smart, but they prioritise utility and allow you to display your taste in heritage sites. They have spaces for coins, cards, notes and receipts. Sometimes even a key ring is incorporated. Best of all, they open up with the power of velcro: the most fashionable fastening mechanism known to humankind!

Now my reliable black National Memorial Arboretum mesh wallet has finally died a death after 3 years of sterling service. Shockingly, when I last visited the NMA I deliberately sought a replacement only to find their shop had foolishly discontinued this reliable and effective item of daily man-use. British Legion take note!

I was at a loss and I’ve been in mourning ever since for the terrible day where I might have to depend on the aforementioned sham of male leather walletry.

But today, I found a solution and salvation! At my favourite Cadw site – Valle Crucis Abbey – I saw and purchased a new version. And no, Cadw had 3 versions: pink, red and blue for me to choose from! An embarassment of choices!

I choice the blue Cadw mesh wallet. It is actually blue, but with black surround. Upon it is the Cadw logo, but I’m sure that will wear off quickly enough. And the name ‘Cadw‘ here is utterly apposite in a way that they might not have considered.

Incidentally, if you find it: its contents – a limited amount of money, membership cards for Chester Zoo, the National Trust and Cadw, an Organ Donor Card, driving license and a debit card to a near-empty bank account – are mine and must be returned immediately TO ME, not to Cadw.

So as my middle age extends and I ever more become the kind of man I hated most as a child (and my kids probably hate too), I can console myself in being the proud owner of a Cadw mesh wallet. You too can live the dream by visiting Valle Crucis, or indeed any Cadw staffed heritage attraction.

 

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