If you haven’t met him before, John Porthlock, has been a long-term feature of Llangollen Museum and, before that, in the Summer House at Valle Crucis Abbey. He has a distinctive personality and I’m a great fan of his. He is fully bilingual and has a distinctive story to tell about his life as a Cistercian monk during the Middle Ages. He is one of a pair: there is another animatronic religious at Bangor-on-Dee.
During the UK General Election, John kept on writing and talking to his constituents at every opportunity. He worked tirelessly lobbying to maintain a strong and stable government. His scintillating personality and conservative policies have wowed the voters. The press rubbished his opponents and celebrated his visionary stance. Following the popular vote, he will be working to form of a viable government, only stopping to allow fans to take selfies with him.
Did he get any votes? Not really. However, that won’t stop John charting a certain course and reiterating the same mantra every time his button gets pressed. John is the voice of the people, representing the values and concerns of the majority in the 500-year-old plus age-group. John will continue to make strong and stable choices for Prydain. He will be representing the Cistercians in the Brexit negotiations and offers certainty above all else.
Oh yes, and just in case you were wondering, John doesn’t believe in evolution, doesn’t believe in dinosaurs, and certainly doesn’t believe in abortion or human rights for all. But don’t let that worry you, he’s a great guy and will work tirelessly to represent your interests.